Guest Blogger #6 - Grateful for gratitude

Why do we complain so much? Why do we whine and moan and grumble so much about our lives? What is the cause of our monumental ingratitude? Why are we such a bunch of ungrateful, unappreciative and thankless individuals who prefer to see the glass half-empty rather than half-full?

These are questions that have been disturbing and troubling me in recent weeks and months. Those who know me would be quick to point out that I am at the forefront of the whiners, the whingers and the moaners. I am the first to grumble at something going wrong in my life and the first to mumble about “Sod and his bloody law”. Yet, at this moment in time, when I take a step back and look at my life in a wider context, objectively and critically, I see a person who has nothing to complain about and everything to be grateful for.

After all, so what if I am late for work? Or if I’ve had a fight with a friend? Or if I’ve lost some money? Or if I have a headache? Think big picture. I am a person with a wife I love, a baby on the way, two healthy parents, a loving sibling, a successful career, innumerable friends, two cars and a brand-new house. Why am I not more grateful for what I have? Especially when I look around the world and I see so many people with so little wealth or opportunity, so many people in so much pain and poverty. The answer must be that I am a selfish, self-centered person who magnifies my own petty problems while forgetting, overlooking, downplaying or simply ignoring the much greater problems faced by others – both at home and abroad. It’s what makes me an ungrateful individual, rather than a grateful one.

And how many of us can say we are truly grateful people? That we fully and regularly acknowledge the numerous (countless?) reasons to be grateful, to show gratitude, in our everyday lives? Some points to ponder:

• If you woke up this morning with more health than illness, you are more blessed than the million who will not survive this week.
• If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation, you are ahead of 500 million people in the world.
• If you can attend a public meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture, or death, you are more blessed than three billion people in the world.
• If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep, you are richer than 75% of this world.
• If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace, you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.
• If you hold up your head with a smile on your face and are truly thankful, you are blessed because the majority can, but most do not.
• If you can read this, you just received a double blessing in that someone was thinking of you, and you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world that cannot read at all.

We all – deep down, in our heart of hearts – know all this. We all, on occasion, realize all this. Yet we must keep reminding ourselves of this – for two main reasons:

The first is Islamic. Our guiding text, the Holy Quran, the literal Word of Allah, repeatedly asserts the necessity for gratitude and thankfulness to God. For example, it is written: "If you are grateful, I will give you more"(Surah 14, Verse 7). In a hadith, or saying, the Holy Prophet adds: "The first who will be summoned to paradise are those who have praised God in every circumstance." He also said: "Gratitude for the abundance you have received is the best insurance that the abundance will continue." True gratitude, Islam says, draws ever more numerous blessings upon the believer to be grateful for!

Gratitude underlies each of the major pillars of Islam – for example, the performance of the daily Islamic prayers, the salah, or namaz. The essence of the prayer is not to ask or petition God, but to show everlasting praise and adoration to God for the life that He has given us and the mercy that He bestows upon us. Another pillar of Islam is fasting during the month of Ramadan. Contrary to non-Muslim (especially Western) perceptions, this period is not supposed to be a time of dieting and weight-watching but instead a deliberate period of contemplation, reflection and self-sacrifice which leads the believers to a state of gratitude. Allah says in the: "He wants you to complete the prescribed period and glorify him that He has guided you, and perchance ye shall be grateful"(Surah 2, Verse 185).

On the subject of Islamic gratitude, and the underlying philosophy, we should look to the Sufis, the mystics of Islam, for advice – they have written entire books devoted to developing gratitude. Different stages of gratitude are explained by Sufi scholars: the first is gratitude for the gifts received from God - as we would be grateful for any gift - but a higher state is attained when one actually becomes grateful for not (!) receiving gifts or for being delayed in having a hope fulfilled. In this state, say the Sufis, one sees the blessings that are “veiled in affliction”, i.e. those that come through suffering and/or self-denial. The final state of gratitude is recognizing that no amount of worship is sufficient to express gratitude to the Creator and that even feelings of gratitude are a gift from God. In essence, we show gratitude for the capacity to feel grateful!

The second reason we must value gratitude and engage in showing and feeling gratitude is a self-interested and scientific one. Dr. Michael McCollough, of Southern Methodist University in Dallas, Texas, and Dr. Robert Emmons, of the University of California at Davis, say their initial scientific study on this subject “indicates that gratitude plays a significant role in a person's sense of well-being”. Curious about why people with faith seem to be happier than those without faith, these two scholars set up their intriguingly-named ‘Research Project on Gratitude and Thanksgiving’, which involved hundreds of people in three different groups keeping daily diaries. The first group kept a diary of the events that occurred during the day, while the second group recorded their unpleasant experiences. The third group made a daily list of things for which they were grateful.

According to press reports, “the results of the study indicated that daily gratitude exercises resulted in higher reported levels of alertness, enthusiasm, determination, optimism and energy. Additionally, the gratitude group experienced less depression and stress, was more likely to help others, exercised more regularly and made more progress toward personal goals. According to the findings, people who feel grateful are also more likely to feel loved. McCollough and Emmons also noted that gratitude encouraged a positive cycle of reciprocal kindness among people since one act of gratitude encourages another…In light of his research, McCullough suggests that anyone can increase their sense of well-being and create positive social effects just from counting their blessings.”

Counting blessings indeed! It is an aphorism that is drilled into us as kids by our parents and teachers but one which slips from our minds as we grow older and the stresses and strains of modern life take their toll on us (and our egos). But the cold, hard reality is that the only way to start being happy, stop being selfish and fulfill our Islamic obligations is to regularly, repeatedly, daily, morning and night, hour after hour, minute after minute, publicly and privately, count (and count again!) our many and varied “blessings” – to be grateful for what we have, and to be grateful even for our ability and capacity to be grateful and have gratitude.

Now, I had hoped to end this post with wise words from perhaps a Muslim scholar or a Greek philosopher or an 18th century novelist. Instead, rather embarrassingly, I leave you with these words on gratitude from the Hollywood actor and comic Jim Carrey, discussing this particular theme - which formed the basis of his film Bruce Almighty - with the BBC:

“I don't want to take it all the time, but the exit from agony is always there. Sometimes you don't take it by choice. Instead you sit around going, "Why? Oh, why?", and you just want to indulge in that pain. Sometimes, when you think you have nothing, you sit down and make a list of things you're grateful for. Even if it's the stupidest little thing, you can't help but be happy at the end of it. It just lifts you. So, be grateful. Find something to be grateful for.”

© Watford Man

Especially published for 'Doctor's Free Time'