Friday is not a good day to blog I have decided. I'm just too tired - man I sound like a broken record. The weeks efforts takes its toll on me so from next week I'm going to pick another day to blog instead. In the meantime, not wanting to disappoint my many readers (all five of them), I might as well type about something before the weekend.
First of all, I passed my exams! Boy, what a relief, I have never been stressed out for results before in my life (except perhaps my driving test), but there was real pressure on these results - approximately £1400 worth of pressure to be precise, so to pass was a big, big relief. I can now qualify as a GP this August inshallah - who knows, you may suffer at my hands one day in the near future.
I'm sure many, if not all of you have been following the Oscars earlier this week and the remarkable success of Slumdog Millionaire - a rag to riches story of a boy from the Mumbai slums, explaining through a series of flashbacks, how he came to know the answers to the questions in the gameshow (Who Want's To Be A Millionaire?) whilst growing up in the slums.
I watched the film last week and although entertaining, I'm not sure what all the fuss is about. I've seen far better Bollywood films over the years, but because this was a British film made in India with Indians, suddenly it became this huge phenomenon. The actor, Dev Patel is from Harrow and can barely disguise his British accent and Anil Kaoor (the show's host), was the third choice behind Bollywood icons Amitabh Bachchan and Shahrukh Khan - although I bet they regret turning it down now.
Amusingly, have a look at Amitabh Bachchan's blog to see how much the films success seems to irritate him. In his latest blogs this week he's pasted several newspaper clippings all having a go at the film - jealous perhaps? He continues to argue that he is simply inviting debate, but interestingly all the views are negative. Never mind Big B.
Alongside the awards for Best Picture and Best Film was the award of two Oscars for A.R. Rahman for Best Song and Best Score. It was great to seem him perform both songs from the film in the Kodak theatre in front of all the Hollywood superstars. However, the music was not his best work, but again, because it's a British film, it got the recognition that no Bollywood film could get on the international stage. All in all a remarkable success story.
With that, I think I'll give up, I'm too tired to type further. I think I'll quit and grab a nap before my afternoon surgery which starts in one hours time.
Take care all,
Thoughts just flow, when do they have to make sense?
Friday, February 27, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
What is the point?
As always I find myself on a Friday afternoon absolutely shattered. Having a baby is not as easy as I first thought. I think my wife and I had been riding the confidence and excitement wave for the first 3 months, but now things have taken a turn for the worse. My daughter seemingly never wants to settle down. She is forever waking up in the middle of the night, demanding some attention so that she can get some sleep and it's taking its toll.
Last night, for example, she woke both of us up at 4.30am crying her head off. She would not settle until she had a feed and then would only stop crying if she lay between us in bed. At this point we were both half asleep but instead of sleeping, she decided that now would be a good time to start playing, kicking and making noise - she was wide awake! Naturally being the one who has to go to work in the morning I tried to go back to sleep but I just couldn't. The end result meant that I didn't get to sleep at least until 5.30am and I am experiencing the "thrill of feeling tired!"
Anyway, moving on. In the months I've been away from blogging, the months of Muharrum and Safar have just completed in the Islamic Calendar. I have already blogged awhile back about the importance and significance of Muharrum here, here and here, so I'm not about to repeat myself but nonetheless it will always be a very religious and spiritual time for all Shias across the globe.
During these months, as I attend majalises and continue to gain further knowledge about Islam, the Quran, the Prophet and the Imams I always try to make sure that this Muharrum is more fruitful than the last and that the motivation remains for longer after its conclusion. The basic aim is to keep the motivation going through to Safar and then extending towards Ramadan when I get the next injection of motivation.
To help, I like to employ discussion about a variety of topics with my family and friends. I'm extremely lucky in that I have a group of friends all of similar age, with kids etc who are all Shia and all motivated to explore Islam. One such discussion I had was particularly interesting and I wanted to share it on the blog (don't worry, everyone will remain anonymous).
What is your opinion on the meaning of life? Why are we here? I've often thought what is the point of it all? Why did God create us to lead the life that we do? If you think about it from a very pessimistic/negative point of view you can get caught into thinking that our existence is pretty rudimentary. God has created us on this Earth in order to judge us. Everything we do will be judged as right or wrong and then if we are deemed worthy we will be rewarded by being sent to heaven, otherwise the punishment is hell. Would it not be easier if we didn't exist at all? Why go through all this for such reward whilst at the same time running the risk of severe punishment.
These questions led one person to comment that knowing what they know about God, Day of Judgement, heaven and hell etc, they would rather not be human. Why not be an animal or a plant who doesn't have the same 'burdens of life' instead? Another person went further to say why exist at all? They felt it would be better had they not existed at all because then they wouldn't have to face any of this trail of life. An interesting thought, although incredibly flawed because the person could only have that viewpoint because they existed in the first place. However, it got me thinking that hypothetically if I had a choice, would I want to exist? If say, God had me in heaven and showed me the trials and tribulations of mankind, would I want to join it and face those trials?
As we explored this further, we came to realise that this opinion stems from our understanding on the meaning of life. Are we here simply to achieve the reward of heaven or does our reason for existence lie deeper than that? The answer is the latter. God did not create us as a hobby, he did not place us on this Earth simply to blindly follow him so that we can be rewarded and sent to heaven. Our creation serves a much more important purpose.
The one quality we possess that defines us from all of Gods' creations is 'free will.' Us (and jinns) have the ability to make our own decisions with no outside force from God, shaitan or anyone else. We have the ability to do whatever we want, we have to ability to choose to worship God. Our purpose on this Earth quite clearly is too worship God out of our own volition, God puts in clearly in the Quran: "I created the jinn and humankind only that they might worship Me." (Surah 51, Verse 56). This ability to choose is what separates us and elevates us beyond all of God's creations, even the Angels, as they do not have this choice.
God takes our purpose further when he states: "Say: Lo! my worship and my sacrifice and my living and my dying are for Allah, Lord of the Worlds." (Surah 6, Verse 162). It is clear that we have been created to worship God. We're not here to achieve heaven or avoid hell, we have a greater purpose than that. If we think purely about heaven or hell then we are missing the point. Heaven or hell is our reward/punishment depending on how we go about our worship of God.
An analogy would be to compare it to our career. We study for a qualification in order to achieve a successful career. It's not the other way around. We cannot aim for a career without the relevant qualifications. Similarly, we can't just think that we're here to try to get to heaven and forget to worship God. By worshipping God properly we have a chance of achieving a place in heaven.
By worshipping God, it means we are compelled to follow his commands, his Prophets and his Imams. The worship determines our type of life. It is not good enough to just say we worship but then do nothing to qualify that worship. Every action we take as to reflect on our worship, we must constantly be striving to seek God's pleasure and that is what the trial is all about. We are here to be tested for our worship of God. Being possessed with free will ensures that we have that ability to choose and hence when we choose the right worship and follow God as prescribed by him our reward will inshallah be greater.
Thus, we should not become too preoccupied with the punishment in hell or the rewards of heaven. Instead we should focus our energies in elevating ourselves spiritually and following the legal-moral-ethical guidelines of Islam with certitude and conviction and voluntary submit to God because He is worthy of our submission.
I often feel that atheists are who they are because they're lazy. They can't bring themselves to follow God and his commands and therefore deny his existence. I'm sure that many of them know that God does exist, but purely can't be bothered to acknowledge it because it would mean too much work for them. I'm sure God will 'reward' them appropriately for there laziness.
So, to wrap things up, our purpose on this Earth, our creation on this Earth is for us to worship God. Nothing more, nothing less. If you still have doubts about the point of existing, or harbor secrets desires of being a tree or a bird, I leave you with the words of our first Holy Imam: "O God, I do not worship You out of fear of the hell-fire because this would be the worship of a slave. Nor do I worship You out of desire for the pleasures of paradise because this would be the worship of a merchant. Rather I worship You because You are worthy of worship."
Take care all,
Thoughts just flow, when do they have to make sense?
Last night, for example, she woke both of us up at 4.30am crying her head off. She would not settle until she had a feed and then would only stop crying if she lay between us in bed. At this point we were both half asleep but instead of sleeping, she decided that now would be a good time to start playing, kicking and making noise - she was wide awake! Naturally being the one who has to go to work in the morning I tried to go back to sleep but I just couldn't. The end result meant that I didn't get to sleep at least until 5.30am and I am experiencing the "thrill of feeling tired!"
Anyway, moving on. In the months I've been away from blogging, the months of Muharrum and Safar have just completed in the Islamic Calendar. I have already blogged awhile back about the importance and significance of Muharrum here, here and here, so I'm not about to repeat myself but nonetheless it will always be a very religious and spiritual time for all Shias across the globe.
During these months, as I attend majalises and continue to gain further knowledge about Islam, the Quran, the Prophet and the Imams I always try to make sure that this Muharrum is more fruitful than the last and that the motivation remains for longer after its conclusion. The basic aim is to keep the motivation going through to Safar and then extending towards Ramadan when I get the next injection of motivation.
To help, I like to employ discussion about a variety of topics with my family and friends. I'm extremely lucky in that I have a group of friends all of similar age, with kids etc who are all Shia and all motivated to explore Islam. One such discussion I had was particularly interesting and I wanted to share it on the blog (don't worry, everyone will remain anonymous).
What is your opinion on the meaning of life? Why are we here? I've often thought what is the point of it all? Why did God create us to lead the life that we do? If you think about it from a very pessimistic/negative point of view you can get caught into thinking that our existence is pretty rudimentary. God has created us on this Earth in order to judge us. Everything we do will be judged as right or wrong and then if we are deemed worthy we will be rewarded by being sent to heaven, otherwise the punishment is hell. Would it not be easier if we didn't exist at all? Why go through all this for such reward whilst at the same time running the risk of severe punishment.
These questions led one person to comment that knowing what they know about God, Day of Judgement, heaven and hell etc, they would rather not be human. Why not be an animal or a plant who doesn't have the same 'burdens of life' instead? Another person went further to say why exist at all? They felt it would be better had they not existed at all because then they wouldn't have to face any of this trail of life. An interesting thought, although incredibly flawed because the person could only have that viewpoint because they existed in the first place. However, it got me thinking that hypothetically if I had a choice, would I want to exist? If say, God had me in heaven and showed me the trials and tribulations of mankind, would I want to join it and face those trials?
As we explored this further, we came to realise that this opinion stems from our understanding on the meaning of life. Are we here simply to achieve the reward of heaven or does our reason for existence lie deeper than that? The answer is the latter. God did not create us as a hobby, he did not place us on this Earth simply to blindly follow him so that we can be rewarded and sent to heaven. Our creation serves a much more important purpose.
The one quality we possess that defines us from all of Gods' creations is 'free will.' Us (and jinns) have the ability to make our own decisions with no outside force from God, shaitan or anyone else. We have the ability to do whatever we want, we have to ability to choose to worship God. Our purpose on this Earth quite clearly is too worship God out of our own volition, God puts in clearly in the Quran: "I created the jinn and humankind only that they might worship Me." (Surah 51, Verse 56). This ability to choose is what separates us and elevates us beyond all of God's creations, even the Angels, as they do not have this choice.
God takes our purpose further when he states: "Say: Lo! my worship and my sacrifice and my living and my dying are for Allah, Lord of the Worlds." (Surah 6, Verse 162). It is clear that we have been created to worship God. We're not here to achieve heaven or avoid hell, we have a greater purpose than that. If we think purely about heaven or hell then we are missing the point. Heaven or hell is our reward/punishment depending on how we go about our worship of God.
An analogy would be to compare it to our career. We study for a qualification in order to achieve a successful career. It's not the other way around. We cannot aim for a career without the relevant qualifications. Similarly, we can't just think that we're here to try to get to heaven and forget to worship God. By worshipping God properly we have a chance of achieving a place in heaven.
By worshipping God, it means we are compelled to follow his commands, his Prophets and his Imams. The worship determines our type of life. It is not good enough to just say we worship but then do nothing to qualify that worship. Every action we take as to reflect on our worship, we must constantly be striving to seek God's pleasure and that is what the trial is all about. We are here to be tested for our worship of God. Being possessed with free will ensures that we have that ability to choose and hence when we choose the right worship and follow God as prescribed by him our reward will inshallah be greater.
Thus, we should not become too preoccupied with the punishment in hell or the rewards of heaven. Instead we should focus our energies in elevating ourselves spiritually and following the legal-moral-ethical guidelines of Islam with certitude and conviction and voluntary submit to God because He is worthy of our submission.
I often feel that atheists are who they are because they're lazy. They can't bring themselves to follow God and his commands and therefore deny his existence. I'm sure that many of them know that God does exist, but purely can't be bothered to acknowledge it because it would mean too much work for them. I'm sure God will 'reward' them appropriately for there laziness.
So, to wrap things up, our purpose on this Earth, our creation on this Earth is for us to worship God. Nothing more, nothing less. If you still have doubts about the point of existing, or harbor secrets desires of being a tree or a bird, I leave you with the words of our first Holy Imam: "O God, I do not worship You out of fear of the hell-fire because this would be the worship of a slave. Nor do I worship You out of desire for the pleasures of paradise because this would be the worship of a merchant. Rather I worship You because You are worthy of worship."
Take care all,
Thoughts just flow, when do they have to make sense?
Friday, February 13, 2009
Change of perceptions
As promised I am back. Who knows whose reading, but frankly I don't care. It's good to back typing, good to be back to the blogging world. Since I last posted over two months ago, a lot has happened and I've made a startling discovery - GP life can be hard! Shocking, I know, but also true - I've experienced it first hand.
Before you get all cynical on me allow me to explain. When I last blogged in December I stated the reason for the pause in blogging was due to my study commitments, however, during the time off my day-to-day work has been extraordinarily busy. This all came about due to a change in practice. Until October my experience of GP-life was cozy to say the least. I was working in a sleepy rural town filled with the "worried well," patients who had too much time on their hands and would often come with problems that were trivial and often non-existant. It was mainly an exercise in reassurance.
However, since October I've seen the (dark) light. My trainer has been off sick since August last year and as a result it was rightly felt that I should switch practices as my training was suffering. My new practice has been the complete opposite. I've been working at a urban, town centre practice which has been absolutely manic.
In the past I have been critical of GP workloads and how they don't really do that much, but that was based purely on my experiences of working in a quiet GP practice. Now I have seen the other side of the coin. Since October my GP work has been busy to say the least. My morning surgery starts at 9am and the schedules appointments finish at 11.30am. However, extra appointments made on the day ensure that I finish at 12.30pm. I then have at least two home visits and after that have to go through a ream of blood results and hospital letters and I finish the morning surgery by 1.30pm. The afternoon surgery starts at 3pm, scheduled to finish at 5pm, but invariably by the time I leave it is nearer to 6pm.
And it doesn't stop there. A lot of the patients have serious health problems and suffer with a variety of chronic diseases, sometimes more than one which require a lot of help and intervention, so inevitably the appointments run over the allocated 10 minutes. It doesn't help when the majority of the patient population are from the poorer end of the social class, meaning a lot of the time they don't have clue about how ill they really are - "the unworried ill."All in all it has been the complete opposite to my experiences in the quiet rural practice.
On top of all that, the workload has been increased further with my continuing use of the ePortfolio and revision for my nMRCGP exams (the results of which I await at the end of the month). It's amazing to see the range of workloads across different practices and different GPs. In my previous practice the GPs would enjoy a leisurely break at the end of the morning surgery, often go home to have lunch with their families and then return refreshed for the afternoon session. At the new practice, it seems the GPs just about have enough time for lunch. But the significant thing out of all of this is that both types of GPs are paid around the same amount - in fact the GPs in my previous rural practice probably earn more as they also dispense drugs which brings in additional income.
So where has this left me? It's been a complete eye-opener. From being critical of GPs, I now find myself at the opposite end - a GP defender! Having experienced life as a busy GP, I no longer will be joining the GP-bashing brigade. The more important question is what type of GP do I want to be in the future? I find myself in a bit of a confused state. I'm sure most of you will expect me to claim that the rural GP is the life for me, but I'm not sure. This new practice has been busy, but along with that it has actually been interesting. I'm not just dealing with the bog-standard "coughs and colds," but also actual medical problems that require my intervention to improve patients quality of life. I'm managing long-term chronic conditions and seeing progress in a patients life and it seems to be surprisingly motivating. Could it be that I'm beginning to appreciate what it means to be a doctor?!
I'm not sure at the moment where this leaves me. This month I have changed practices once again as the busy practice was a temporary solution whilst we had hopes that my original trainer would be returning. As that is not the case, I have been allocated another trainer in a different practice. This practice is actually spread across four different sites and seems to offer a cross between a rural and an urban type patient population. This sounds ideal to me and will probably help decide where I want to be in the future once I qualify inshallah.
Interestingly, during the first meeting with my new trainer, we had the usual "getting to know each other" meeting. In the past, I've been frank and honest and said that medicine wasn't the most interesting thing in my life and I didn't enjoy my work, but it was something I was good at. Although this time I explained all that once again, I actually suggested that perhaps that perception was changing, following my recent experiences in a busy practice. I'll keep you all posted as this new sense of appreciation develops in the next few months!
Take care all,
Thoughts just flow, when do they have to make sense?
Before you get all cynical on me allow me to explain. When I last blogged in December I stated the reason for the pause in blogging was due to my study commitments, however, during the time off my day-to-day work has been extraordinarily busy. This all came about due to a change in practice. Until October my experience of GP-life was cozy to say the least. I was working in a sleepy rural town filled with the "worried well," patients who had too much time on their hands and would often come with problems that were trivial and often non-existant. It was mainly an exercise in reassurance.
However, since October I've seen the (dark) light. My trainer has been off sick since August last year and as a result it was rightly felt that I should switch practices as my training was suffering. My new practice has been the complete opposite. I've been working at a urban, town centre practice which has been absolutely manic.
In the past I have been critical of GP workloads and how they don't really do that much, but that was based purely on my experiences of working in a quiet GP practice. Now I have seen the other side of the coin. Since October my GP work has been busy to say the least. My morning surgery starts at 9am and the schedules appointments finish at 11.30am. However, extra appointments made on the day ensure that I finish at 12.30pm. I then have at least two home visits and after that have to go through a ream of blood results and hospital letters and I finish the morning surgery by 1.30pm. The afternoon surgery starts at 3pm, scheduled to finish at 5pm, but invariably by the time I leave it is nearer to 6pm.
And it doesn't stop there. A lot of the patients have serious health problems and suffer with a variety of chronic diseases, sometimes more than one which require a lot of help and intervention, so inevitably the appointments run over the allocated 10 minutes. It doesn't help when the majority of the patient population are from the poorer end of the social class, meaning a lot of the time they don't have clue about how ill they really are - "the unworried ill."All in all it has been the complete opposite to my experiences in the quiet rural practice.
On top of all that, the workload has been increased further with my continuing use of the ePortfolio and revision for my nMRCGP exams (the results of which I await at the end of the month). It's amazing to see the range of workloads across different practices and different GPs. In my previous practice the GPs would enjoy a leisurely break at the end of the morning surgery, often go home to have lunch with their families and then return refreshed for the afternoon session. At the new practice, it seems the GPs just about have enough time for lunch. But the significant thing out of all of this is that both types of GPs are paid around the same amount - in fact the GPs in my previous rural practice probably earn more as they also dispense drugs which brings in additional income.
So where has this left me? It's been a complete eye-opener. From being critical of GPs, I now find myself at the opposite end - a GP defender! Having experienced life as a busy GP, I no longer will be joining the GP-bashing brigade. The more important question is what type of GP do I want to be in the future? I find myself in a bit of a confused state. I'm sure most of you will expect me to claim that the rural GP is the life for me, but I'm not sure. This new practice has been busy, but along with that it has actually been interesting. I'm not just dealing with the bog-standard "coughs and colds," but also actual medical problems that require my intervention to improve patients quality of life. I'm managing long-term chronic conditions and seeing progress in a patients life and it seems to be surprisingly motivating. Could it be that I'm beginning to appreciate what it means to be a doctor?!
I'm not sure at the moment where this leaves me. This month I have changed practices once again as the busy practice was a temporary solution whilst we had hopes that my original trainer would be returning. As that is not the case, I have been allocated another trainer in a different practice. This practice is actually spread across four different sites and seems to offer a cross between a rural and an urban type patient population. This sounds ideal to me and will probably help decide where I want to be in the future once I qualify inshallah.
Interestingly, during the first meeting with my new trainer, we had the usual "getting to know each other" meeting. In the past, I've been frank and honest and said that medicine wasn't the most interesting thing in my life and I didn't enjoy my work, but it was something I was good at. Although this time I explained all that once again, I actually suggested that perhaps that perception was changing, following my recent experiences in a busy practice. I'll keep you all posted as this new sense of appreciation develops in the next few months!
Take care all,
Thoughts just flow, when do they have to make sense?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
